hopelesshappiness.com

If I were different my life would be different. I don't know how I am who I am. Nature? Nurture? Does it really matter? Instead of where or how, the more relevant question (I believe) is what. And even that question is only to acknowledge, recognize, temper, and refine. I look back on decisions made decades ago (even in childhood) and it is clear that decisions today are consistent. I can't just turn my back on me. Yes, one day I will have to let go, but until that dying moment, I will remain; still me but perhaps, as I continue to gain wisdom, a better version.

What defines a person?

• Confusion?
• Fear?
• Responsibility?
• Compassion?
• A sense of belonging?
• Justice?
• Wisdom?
• Power?
• Wealth?
• Beauty?
• Hunger?
• Truth?
• Anger?
• Sadness?
• Curiosity?

It is a common question asked even in children's movies.

My life is a moment. Moments die. My current job is a moment. My last job was a moment. My relationships are mere moments. Some moments are destined to last a lifetime. Some moments flare up dramatically then die a quick death. Some moments are slowly suffocated. What defines me determines (sometimes predetermines) each moment's death.

I just removed ‘Love’ from the list above.

If I am unable to turn my back on myself yet I am able and choose to acknowledge, recognize, temper, and refine, I just removed ‘Love’ from the list above because I believe to Love is to more frequently practice, enhance, and strengthen those positive, productive qualities I already possess (Compassion, Responsibility, Justice) and perhaps better manage those qualities that may do harm and/or be misinterpreted (Anger, Power, Sadness).

I just disclosed me. At least my perception of me. And I cannot turn my back on that; not even for a moment.

Dragons and Mincemeat.

Regarding our system of justice in this (our) country, I have…

Three Questions:

1. Are there too many lawbreakers?
2. Are there too many laws?
3. Is there too much room for interpretation?

Regarding lawbreakers:

• Depending on one's place, there is a gamut from those who break the law yet suffer not, to those accused who suffer the harshest of interpretations.
• Many of those who suffer are guilty upon accusation with little to no opportunity to establish innocence. That said, justice must still account for the innocent victim.
• I believe the state is complicit in the flaws in our system, thus not innocent. I believe the same could be said for any organization (large or small) operating wholly or partially for any or all of the purposes of politics (power), profit (capitalism / wealth), or zealotry (extreme devotion to a set of beliefs or a cause).

Regarding laws and their interpretation:

• Yes and Yes. The more laws, the broader the potential interpretation. This bears out in my recent experience as a new paralegal in a law office where I consistently see multiple charges come in from law enforcement, fewer charges being filed by the prosecuting attorney, and then fewer charges yet eventually resulting in a guilty plea. It seems we (when possible) overwhelm the defendant then play good cop by offering to dismiss some of the charges in return for a guilty plea on just one or two of them. In fairness I believe the defendant is most likely guilty of those charges (or something in the neighborhood), but the system (with so many laws and such broad interpretations) is built to essentially make them feel they have no choice. And if they broke a law (especially one with an innocent victim) perhaps the system works; but I also believe it works FOR some and AGAINST others - depending on one’s place. The bureaucracy aids in consistency and a certain amount of fairness within one’s stratum but it remains a system in which the privileged are given benefit of any doubt and the insignificant remain insignificant.

Despite more than six decades of experience and training, I am still not fluent in the political or cultural language of America. I consistently misinterpret and find myself wandering aimlessly between the lines, words, and letters. Perhaps I am a slow learner.

Whereas I may see injustice, heavy-handed justice, and/or selective justice as an opportunity for learning and improvement, looking around it feels like most of us see it as justification for intolerance, disdain, entitlement, and indifference. We are so wrapped up in self-serving judgment we misinterpret and ignore abuse that presents as lawfulness, authority, and due process. Couple this self-serving judgment with a system that traps us in the moment and we are left blind to the longer term consequences of our actions and with no vision (and perhaps no possibility) for a future that includes Humanity. Furthermore, because we are unwilling hostages in any given moment, when we have a free moment in which we can choose our actions, we too often choose to stay in the easy moment, wasting the opportunity to work ahead even toward the next few moments. We have been conditioned to maintain status quo.

Though I (claim to) see injustice as a learning opportunity, and though I believe I work to improve this moment as well as the next few, I still too often find myself unwillingly trapped or choosing ease and comfort. It is distressing to me that my arguments for choosing ease are relatively sound:

• My efforts otherwise to this point have borne no fruit.
• I am only one person.
• I am not in a position of great (or even slight) influence.
• Who am I to say how things should be?
• It is not my concern.
• It is easier.

It is these arguments that keep the majority, the majority, and the powerful, powerful.